Family is family
It would be easy for me to say that family is chosen, not given, and that wherever I feel comfortable is where home is. But they're there, and there's no where else I can belong to, whether I want to or not. I didn't have to go search for another place, another home, because mine's still there for me. But my family is not the most progressive one you can find.
While my parents are very liberal minded in many ways, in others they are still quite conservative. My mother is THE traditional Japanese woman, Japanese family values, and addition to that she is a devout and faithful Catholic. See, my problem is I have to walk the line between respecting their beliefs and their hope for me to find my way to be happy, and just to ignore their idea of what my happiness is and look somewhere else for guidance and recognition.
So, here I am in South Korea. It's not at all a horrible thing -- if you take the "right" steps and do the right things, you'll have lots of people to share your joy and accomplishments with, and I can't deny enjoying moments of family gathering when the occassion arose. Growing up in a fairly tight family (extended included), I have to admit that receiving approval from my family in all aspects of my life is something that would make me happy. I know, a lot of people tell me my happiness is my own to seek, and I don't need to accomodate my family to achieve that. It doesn't have to be their business. But even if you may not understand, it is.
Even though I live across the Pacific Ocean from the rest of them and I'm pretty much free to do anything here, I feel that eventually I'll have to answer to them. All of them. I couldn't say no, even though I knew I wouldn't try that hard.My struggle with my family is this: I know they love me, I know I'm accepted, but I can't find my place in it. I can't turn my back on them -- I really have no reason to, and it would be the most horrible thing to do after all the love and patience they've given me.
Family's family, and it is what it is. I don't know if you believe that members of a blood family share something special between them, maybe genes and whatever form they manifest in. I suppose I do, even if I might just be brought up or taught to. But I am who I am because of them, I can't deny that. If I turn away, I'll be denying a part of myself. I remember my dad once said to me, "Of course you might get along better with your friends. You chose your friends; you didn't get to choose your family. But you'll come to realize that family is something different: friends come and go, and at the end of the day, your family will still be there for you."So I guess even if I wanted to walk away, they'd still be there.
While my parents are very liberal minded in many ways, in others they are still quite conservative. My mother is THE traditional Japanese woman, Japanese family values, and addition to that she is a devout and faithful Catholic. See, my problem is I have to walk the line between respecting their beliefs and their hope for me to find my way to be happy, and just to ignore their idea of what my happiness is and look somewhere else for guidance and recognition.
So, here I am in South Korea. It's not at all a horrible thing -- if you take the "right" steps and do the right things, you'll have lots of people to share your joy and accomplishments with, and I can't deny enjoying moments of family gathering when the occassion arose. Growing up in a fairly tight family (extended included), I have to admit that receiving approval from my family in all aspects of my life is something that would make me happy. I know, a lot of people tell me my happiness is my own to seek, and I don't need to accomodate my family to achieve that. It doesn't have to be their business. But even if you may not understand, it is.
Even though I live across the Pacific Ocean from the rest of them and I'm pretty much free to do anything here, I feel that eventually I'll have to answer to them. All of them. I couldn't say no, even though I knew I wouldn't try that hard.My struggle with my family is this: I know they love me, I know I'm accepted, but I can't find my place in it. I can't turn my back on them -- I really have no reason to, and it would be the most horrible thing to do after all the love and patience they've given me.
Family's family, and it is what it is. I don't know if you believe that members of a blood family share something special between them, maybe genes and whatever form they manifest in. I suppose I do, even if I might just be brought up or taught to. But I am who I am because of them, I can't deny that. If I turn away, I'll be denying a part of myself. I remember my dad once said to me, "Of course you might get along better with your friends. You chose your friends; you didn't get to choose your family. But you'll come to realize that family is something different: friends come and go, and at the end of the day, your family will still be there for you."So I guess even if I wanted to walk away, they'd still be there.
posted by Melinda @ 9:07 AM
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