Lame photographer

My friends and I were asked to pose by my friend's pool for this lame photoshoot last summer. This is the best photo the lame photographer could come up with?! We looks like total dorks. And the quality of the photo sucks in the dorky little magazine it came out in. We didn't even get paid. Now everyone in my hometown has seen this picture. I am so embarrassed.

out and about on the town

Since yesterday was the end of the teacher's training, the class and some of the other teachers decided to go out for a drink. There were 4 girls and 2 guys. We went to think bar in shinchon and had draught beer. It was ok. That freaky Canada guy went but he wasn't staring at me last night. He actually almost seemed normal. I guess that he was nervous doing the teachers training and focused on one person(me!) to help him get through the training.
There was this other Canada girl who might actually be cute, but she had no idea what to do with her hair. I mean, she's almost 30 and can't find a hairstyle?!?! I'm not a snob, but she could us a little work.
All of a sudden these two Korean guys come over with their beers and ask if they can join us. Stalkers! They were so creepy. They had these pasted on smiles on their faces and leered at the women, like they were putting out the vibe to the girls at the table. I was almost sick, I swear to you. They spoke in these long drawn out words like."Wheeere arrrre youuuu froooom?" Oh! They dork #1 spilled his beer onto Bald Canada and I couldn't stop laughing, I swear! He looked like he totally pissed his pants. And since he was wearing tan, it looked wet all night. Creepy Korean guys wanted to take us somewhere else to drink soju. No thanks! Sorry. No takers. As if we wanted to go get totally lit on hrad alcohol with them. At least they didnt follow us out of the bar.

Who am I here?

The teacher's training ends today. I am glad. This 40 year old balding Canada teacher is really starting to piss me off. He just looks at me almost the whole time he training. Hello? What about the other students?! I can't keep constant eye contact with him, it's wierd. Why is he making me feel so uncomfortable? I thought about asking him to stop it, or giving him a dirty look, but I would just be alienating him and he would probably talk about me behind my back. Loser!
There is this cute guy in the school who seems like he is popular with everyone, especially the Korean students. I think he looks at me when he thinks I'm not watching, but I am. I saw him totally checking me out when I was putting my stuff in my little cubicle. I had to bend down to do it and his eyes shot right to my ass. I saw him in the window reflection. He saw I saw. He got all nervous and wouldnt make eye contact with me the rest of the day. It was so funny. Sometimes I hope he'd just ask me out, but it has been so long since i was with a guy. I miss being with guys, but I think no guy will understand me like a woman would. I feel more able to open up to another girl and show my feelings honestly and openly. I don't even know how to find another girl here anyway. How depressing.

I found a place!

It is so cute! I took Kushibo's advice and found a place on the top floor of a small apartment building. I can see Shinchon from my batroom window and front deck. The deck is covered in pots that have some stuff fermenting in them. I hope the smell doesnt get bad in the summer. I went out and bought some lamps and other little things because the school only gives me a bed, stove, washing machine and things to live. There is no kitchen stuff or anything to really make the place nice, just enough to live in. But I am so excited. I never lived apart from my family before, I never lived alone, so this is really cool. I can't wait to make friends and have a party.

Loser!

Cingular not the only one with American Idol Ringtones!
Cingular might be the biggest mobile giant in the US but we have them beat here!
Pick any Idol song you want
Pick any part of the song you want
NOT PRE MADE!!
Send it to your phone via text message
Save money! Ours are $$.50 cheaper!

Oh, I got spammed by these Uber-geeks! Oh, can I have American Idol ringtones on my cellular?! Holy shit!!!! What a great idea!!!!! I can listen to crappy music even when I am answering my phone?! Wow! Maybe I can get the ringtone of the singer Simon Cowell abused the most. Oh! I'm gonna email these geeks a virus, I swear to God!!!!

Family is family

It would be easy for me to say that family is chosen, not given, and that wherever I feel comfortable is where home is. But they're there, and there's no where else I can belong to, whether I want to or not. I didn't have to go search for another place, another home, because mine's still there for me. But my family is not the most progressive one you can find.
While my parents are very liberal minded in many ways, in others they are still quite conservative. My mother is THE traditional Japanese woman, Japanese family values, and addition to that she is a devout and faithful Catholic. See, my problem is I have to walk the line between respecting their beliefs and their hope for me to find my way to be happy, and just to ignore their idea of what my happiness is and look somewhere else for guidance and recognition.
So, here I am in South Korea. It's not at all a horrible thing -- if you take the "right" steps and do the right things, you'll have lots of people to share your joy and accomplishments with, and I can't deny enjoying moments of family gathering when the occassion arose. Growing up in a fairly tight family (extended included), I have to admit that receiving approval from my family in all aspects of my life is something that would make me happy. I know, a lot of people tell me my happiness is my own to seek, and I don't need to accomodate my family to achieve that. It doesn't have to be their business. But even if you may not understand, it is.
Even though I live across the Pacific Ocean from the rest of them and I'm pretty much free to do anything here, I feel that eventually I'll have to answer to them. All of them. I couldn't say no, even though I knew I wouldn't try that hard.My struggle with my family is this: I know they love me, I know I'm accepted, but I can't find my place in it. I can't turn my back on them -- I really have no reason to, and it would be the most horrible thing to do after all the love and patience they've given me.
Family's family, and it is what it is. I don't know if you believe that members of a blood family share something special between them, maybe genes and whatever form they manifest in. I suppose I do, even if I might just be brought up or taught to. But I am who I am because of them, I can't deny that. If I turn away, I'll be denying a part of myself. I remember my dad once said to me, "Of course you might get along better with your friends. You chose your friends; you didn't get to choose your family. But you'll come to realize that family is something different: friends come and go, and at the end of the day, your family will still be there for you."So I guess even if I wanted to walk away, they'd still be there.

I miss her, but don't want her

I tried to cut her out of my heart like I cut her out of the profile picture, but it was easier done in the photoshop. How do you know your girlfriend is in love with you? I mean, it wasn't really supposed to be love, we were friends, but we liked each other so much since middle school and we do have feelings for each other.
I've only been in one relationship with a woman, and that was it. So, strictly speaking I can't really work it out, I can only tell you what I know. Well, for the first few months of our relationship, I mean when we were into each other, we lived so close by each other and we've put up with a lot from each other. I know I'm the first person she'll come to when she's sad, happy, worried...anything.And she told me she loved me every day. But I think love is about trust. I trusted that she loved me.
There is no official piece of paper you sign that says you love someone, there's no promise you make or anything that guarantees you are in love. Love is trust. I trusted that she wouldn't go off with anyone else, I trusted that she wouldn't keep huge secrets from me or go off and live another life.And I trusted that if, one day, she decided she no longer wanted to be with me then she'd tell me.
That didn't happen and I knew she was dating that asshole behind my back. If she had been honest, then we could have at least tried to make a compromise, but no! I had to find out from everyone else that she was with him. I just want to forget, but I cant.Why?
Now I am 9000 miles or so away from there. I have to restart my life again here in Korea. I will forget what happened and try to be happy for me, and only for me. It is kind of scary, because I never lived alone or that far away from home. I mean, I even commuted to university, so this is the first time I'm on my own. It Melinda's big adventure!!!

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Welcome to my new life!

So, I just got into Seoul this past Monday. But I don't start teaching classes at the institute until April 3. Oh my God! I can't believe that I really came here! I have no idea how to teach and no idea about Korean people. They stare at me everywhere I go. It is soooo creepy. Why are they looking at me? It's not like I don't see other foreigners around.
I made some new friends at the teacher's training class. But most of the people look so boring. I mean, this Canadian guy asked me what my favorite color way. How weird is that?! I just totally lied to them about my whole life. What am I supposed to say: "Hi. I'm Melinda. I'm half-Japanese and half-straight. A couple of the teachers at this school are kind of hot, both boys and girls, so I hope we can all get to know each other." Right. "Oh, and I come from near Chicago." No, I do not have an accent asshole bald man. I can't believe how totally weird some of these dorks are. I hope it's not going to be one of those loooong years. I hope I have made the right choice.
I still haven't found a place to stay yet. I am staying at this really sick little hotel. It's like some kind of sex hotel, or something. It is sooo disgusting. I have got to get out of here and get a place to stay, pronto.